86. Managing Impulsivity in Sobriety

Impulsivity is acting without thinking about the long-term consequences.  It’s the quick decision to give in to an urge, the knee-jerk reaction in a moment of emotional overwhelm.  In everyday life, that might look like interrupting someone mid-sentence, spending money you don’t have, or blurting something out that you can’t take back.  For someone like me who struggles with addiction, impulsivity becomes far more dangerous.  It fuels the cycle of substance use, driving us to chase instant relief without considering the damage we’re doing to ourselves and the people we care about.

In addiction, impulsivity and compulsion often blend together.  It stops being about a conscious choice and starts feeling automatic.  I remember so many moments when I acted on impulse and picked up, knowing full well it would end in guilt, shame, and withdrawal.  I’d tell myself it would be different this time, but deep down, I knew that wasn’t true.

Neurologically, impulsivity is connected to how our brains process rewards and manage self-control.  The prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for thinking ahead and making rational decisions—often loses out to the reward center, which craves instant satisfaction.  That’s why the urge to use feels so overwhelming in the moment.  Our brains prioritize short-term relief over long-term consequences, and before we know it, we’ve acted on that impulse.

Impulsivity has always been a big part of my story.  Looking back, I can see how acting on impulse without thinking things through played a major role in my addiction.  Whether it was reaching for the next drink or drug to escape a feeling I didn’t want to face or making rash decisions in moments of frustration or sadness, impulsivity was a constant.  At first, it felt harmless—like part of my personality. I was the spontaneous one who could make things happen fast, but as my addiction progressed, impulsivity became a trap.

There were countless times when I told myself I’d stay clean, only to throw it all away in a single impulsive moment.  One minute, I’d be feeling strong and committed to my recovery, and the next, I’d be caught in a storm of emotions.  Instead of pausing to think about the consequences, I’d convince myself that one slip wouldn’t hurt, but it always hurt—every single time.  Each time, picking up again felt more like a decision made without my permission, like I had lost control of my ability to choose.

My impulsivity didn’t start with substances—it showed up long before that.  I was always the kid who couldn’t sit still.  I’d speak without thinking, start things I couldn’t finish, and I always would jump into situations without considering the risks.  At the time, it seemed like part of my personality—something that made me adventurous and bold, but as I got older, impulsivity caused more and more problems.

I remember one night in particular.  I was fresh out of treatment, feeling good about my progress and determined to stay clean.  Then, without warning, an argument triggered me.  My mind started racing: Just one drink will calm you down, that voice whispered.  I acted on the impulse before I even had time to second-guess it.  I didn’t call anyone or sit with the feelings that were bubbling up. Instead, I gave in.  That impulsive moment sent me spiraling, and it took months to climb out of that hole again.

Impulsivity has also destroyed relationships in my life.  I made promises I couldn’t keep, hurt people who cared about me, and acted recklessly with no regard for the impact it would have on others. My family saw me struggle to control my urges and watched helplessly as I made the same mistakes over and over again.  Even when I was in a good place mentally, impulsivity could still sneak up on me.

The worst part about impulsivity is that it feels like freedom in the moment.  There’s a rush that comes with acting on an urge.  What I learned is that the consequences always catch up, and they’re rarely worth the fleeting satisfaction of that impulsive choice.

Recovery has taught me that managing impulsivity is possible, but it takes a lot of work.  One of the first lessons I learned in rehab was the power of the pause.  It sounds so simple: just pause before making a decision, but when your brain is wired for quick fixes, pausing can feel like climbing a mountain.  For me, it took practice.  Now, whenever I feel an urge—whether it’s to act on a craving or lash out in frustration—I try to give myself a few seconds to breathe and check in with myself.  I ask, “Is this what I really want?  What’s going to happen if I act on this?”  More often than not, taking that pause is enough to stop me from making an impulsive decision I’ll later regret.

Mindfulness has also become a big part of my recovery.  I was very skeptical at first, but learning to stay present in the moment has been life-changing.  Breathing exercises and grounding techniques help me stay connected to reality instead of getting caught up in my emotions.  Writing this weekly article is another tool that keeps me grounded.  Writing out my thoughts helps me process what I’m feeling and identify patterns in my behavior.

I’ve also learned the importance of accountability.  I have people in my life now—my therapist, my support network, my family—who help me stay on track.  I’m honest with them when I feel those impulsive urges creeping in, and that honesty gives me the space to work through my emotions without acting on them.

Managing impulsivity is still a work in progress for me.  There are days when it feels like second nature to pause and think things through, and there are other days when I struggle. What recovery has taught me is that I don’t have to be perfect.  I just have to keep trying.  When I was in active addiction, impulsivity ran my life.  Now, I’m learning how to take that power back.  Every time I pause, reflect, and make an intentional choice, I’m building a better future for myself.  Recovery is about progress, not perfection, and learning to manage impulsivity has been one of the most important steps in that process.

For anyone struggling with impulsivity, my advice is simple: Slow down, breathe, and give yourself permission to sit with your feelings before you act on them.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.  Every second you pause is a victory, and every intentional decision is a step toward a better life.

And remember, if you’re struggling or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.