32. How I Landed Myself in Drug Treatment Court

My life took a sharp turn in 2019 when I was arrested in a neighboring town.  It all started with a minor car accident.  I clipped another car while trying to park across the street from a bar.  I was so hammered from eating Xanax and drinking beers all day that I didn't even realize I had hit a car.  I just parked, locked up my car, and walked over to the bar to continue throwing back beers.  Ironically, the police station was directly across the street from the bar.  Only a short while later, when I happened to glance outside, I was confronted with a disconcerting sight. I saw police lights flashing and several officers surrounding my car. Inexplicably, I audaciously approached them to inquire why they were surrounding my vehicle. They proceeded to tell me about the accident, but I stubbornly disputed that I had hit anything, especially not a parked car.  As it turns out, there was a car repair shop across the street with security cameras pointing directly at the parking lot. These cameras captured the entire fiasco, and I was caught red-handed. Oh… did I mention that I had over 500 Xanax bars (pills) stashed away inside my car?  I was arrested and charged with a slew of felonies and misdemeanors.  

As a result of my drug and alcohol use from earlier in the day, I can't recall much about being booked, arraigned, and sent to jail.  I do remember waking up in a cold jail cell wearing an orange jumpsuit with the word "inmate" written on the leg of it. Waking up in jail without any idea of why or how I got there is a terrible feeling, to say the least.  I spent the next week as a prisoner in the county jail, with my only lifeline being the sporadic phone call I was afforded (most days).  I’ll never forget trying to call my family with that phone call.  It would ring and ring and ring until it would click and cut the phone call off.  I remember thinking, “Wow, are they going to let me rot in here?  I’ve really done it now.”  I honestly thought they were leaving me to fend for myself.  Neither my family nor I knew that calls to or from inmates required a specific preloaded phone card. Three days into my confinement, the intercom in my cell crackled to life, announcing that I had a visitor. Rubbing my hands together with a slight smirk, I was sure it was a family member coming to bail me out, but to my surprise, it was someone whom I had gone to high school with.  I was puzzled as I observed him seated there, armed with nothing more than a notepad.  He was a few years ahead of me in school and we hadn’t kept in contact after graduating. While I was recklessly partying, using drugs, and wasting my life away he had gone to college, graduated, and became a lawyer. 

In the visitor's room, he calmly explained that he had been retained as my lawyer and that my family hadn't been ignoring my calls; they just didn't know that they needed to purchase a required phone card and put money onto it, but they were working on it.  He peppered me with questions about what had led to my arrest while diligently taking notes. Then, he introduced me to something called drug treatment court (DTC), a program I had never heard of before.  He informed me that it was an alternative to incarceration, designed for people with a history of drug addiction and criminal charges.  He told me that I was a good candidate for the program based on my history of alcohol and drug abuse and my recent legal woes. He explained that if I was eventually approved and admitted into the program and successfully completed it, my charges could be reduced, or even dismissed. I was completely fixated on the words "reduced charges" and "dismissed charges" as he explained the potential for a brighter future through the avenue of drug treatment court.  Little did I realize at that moment that this intervention would ultimately spark a profound transformation in my life. 

Be sure to tune back in next week as I thoroughly take you through the drug treatment court program which I was blessed to be a participant in!

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.

31. Low Self-Esteem & Substance Abuse

Low self-esteem and substance abuse are two interconnected issues that can significantly impact an individual's physical, mental, and emotional well-being.  Low self-esteem refers to a negative evaluation of oneself, accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.  Substance abuse, on the other hand, involves the excessive and harmful use of drugs or alcohol.  These two concepts often coexist and contribute to a complex cycle of reinforcement.

Low self-esteem and substance abuse often feed into each other, creating a cycle that is extremely difficult to break. Individuals with low self-esteem may turn to substances as a way to cope with their negative emotions, escape reality, or gain a temporary boost in confidence.  This escape provides short-term relief from their self-doubt and insecurities, creating a deceiving sense of self-worth. However, these effects are short-lived, leading to a repeated cycle of substance abuse as individuals seek to maintain the positive feelings they experience while intoxicated.

Conversely, substance abuse can worsen self-esteem issues. The negative consequences of addiction, such as deteriorating relationships, declining physical health, and poor decision-making, can further erode an individual's self-worth. The guilt and shame associated with substance abuse can deepen their negative self-perception, perpetuating the cycle of low self-esteem and continued substance use.

People who struggle with low self-esteem often lack healthy ways to deal with stress, anxiety, and negative feelings. Looking back at my own childhood, I remember feeling very anxious, although I didn't realize it then.  My mind would constantly race, and I couldn't calm it down when I wanted to. I thought this was something all kids went through, and I still sort of think that's true to some extent. This is where the connection between low self-esteem, anxiety, and substance abuse came into play.  Many people who experience anxiety turn to drugs or alcohol to try and make themselves feel better, especially when they're overwhelmed by fear and worry.  I traveled down this path too.  At first, alcohol and marijuana seemed to help with my anxiety.  My mind was relieved of the racing thoughts, and I would get this warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  But there came a time when these effects just weren't cutting it anymore.  That's when I turned to stronger drugs like Benzodiazepines and Opiates.  

Benzodiazepines really seemed to calm me down, so I started with one pill, which quickly turned into two, and before I knew it, I was taking 5-10 pills every day.  It's so strange how the pills that were supposed to help my anxiety became the main cause of my anxiety because if I didn't have them, I'd experience extreme withdrawals.  At first, using substances seems to give some relief from anxiety, or a temporary escape from feeling bad but this relief doesn't last long.  In fact, substance abuse often leads to even more anxiety!  This creates a cycle where growing anxiety pushes people to use substances more often in order to cope, which only strengthens the connection between anxiety and substance abuse.

Low self-esteem can also lead to social isolation.  Individuals with low self-esteem may struggle to perceive their own self-worth and may believe they are unworthy of forming meaningful connections with others.  This negative self-perception can lead to a tendency to withdraw from social interactions out of fear of judgment or rejection. As individuals isolate themselves, their lack of social engagement can further reinforce their feelings of inadequacy and contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.  Additionally, the absence of positive social interactions denies them the opportunity to receive external validation or reassurance, which might otherwise help boost their self-esteem.

Individuals with low self-esteem can be more susceptible to peer pressure.  They often seek acceptance and validation from their peers to compensate for their own negative self-perception. This makes them particularly vulnerable to peer pressure, as they may feel compelled to conform to the wishes and behaviors of their social group in order to avoid rejection.  In an attempt to fit in and gain a sense of belonging, they might engage in activities, or they might do things that go against what they believe in or what they know is right, just because they want their friends to accept them. When I was a teenager and in my early adult years, I remember doing things to seem “cool,” like not listening to teachers or doing things my friends were doing, even when I knew they weren't good choices.  What initially began as minor instances of insubordination swiftly snowballed into a journey involving substance use and crime.  The rationale was simple – if some of my friends embraced these substances, I saw no reason not to follow suit.  This cycle perpetuated low self-esteem, as I compromised my authenticity and reinforced the belief that I must rely on others' approval in order to feel valued.

For those dealing with both low self-esteem and substance abuse, integrated treatment that addresses both issues concurrently can yield more effective results.  Teaching individuals life skills, such as stress management, healthy communication, and problem-solving, can empower them to face these challenges without resorting to substance abuse.  Group therapy or support groups can provide a sense of belonging and connection, helping individuals counteract social isolation and build a supportive network.  There is an intricate relationship between low self-esteem and substance abuse and addressing one issue without considering the other can lead to ineffective outcomes.  By comprehending the underlying dynamics and intricacies of this relationship, professionals can provide individuals with the tools they need to break the cycle, improve their self-esteem, and achieve lasting recovery from substance abuse.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.

30. The Controversy Surrounding Suboxone & Harm Reduction

In recent years, the opioid epidemic has reached alarming proportions, leading to the search for effective treatment options.  Suboxone, a medication combining Buprenorphine and Naloxone, has emerged as a crucial tool in combating opioid addiction.  However, its use has sparked considerable controversy, with debates focusing on its benefits, potential drawbacks, and societal implications.

Despite its potential benefits, Suboxone is not immune to controversy. One major point of contention revolves around the concept of replacing one addiction with another.  Critics argue that long-term Suboxone use can lead to physical dependence, thus raising questions about whether individuals are genuinely in recovery or merely switching to a different substance.  Many addicts will claim that if you’re on Suboxone, then you’re not actually clean.  In my opinion, you’re in recovery when you say you’re in recovery and I firmly stand by that idea.  Another concern is the diversion of Suboxone to the illicit market.  Some individuals prescribed Suboxone may misuse or sell their medication, thereby contributing to the very problem it aims to solve.  This raises concerns about the potential for Suboxone to be abused by those without a genuine need for it.  I was one of those people that abused Suboxone without an actual need for it.  Don’t get me wrong, I shot dope when I wasn’t able to find my drugs of choice (Benzodiazepines and Alcohol).  I never developed a serious dope habit to the point where Suboxone was necessary.  Whenever I used Suboxone it was solely to get high off it. The financial aspect of Suboxone treatment also fuels controversy. The cost of the medication itself, along with doctor visits and counseling, can be substantial, potentially limiting access for those without comprehensive insurance coverage.  This financial burden leaves some individuals without the resources they need to recover effectively.  The controversy surrounding Suboxone also touches on societal perceptions and stigma.  Some critics argue that relying on medication-assisted treatment like Suboxone perpetuates the belief that individuals with substance use disorders cannot achieve recovery without pharmaceutical support.  This viewpoint may undermine the efforts of those successfully utilizing Suboxone to rebuild their lives, as it places an unnecessary burden of stigma on them.  Several friends of mine struggled with opioid addiction and were on Suboxone for many, many years.  I watched them try to get off it, but they struggled very much to do so, even when they were properly tapering.  They often said it was the hardest drug to kick by a landslide - worse than Opiates, worse than alcohol.  I had kicked both of those drugs numerous times in the past, and they were brutal, so I wanted to never have to experience a Suboxone detox.  The controversy surrounding Suboxone reflects the complexity of addressing the opioid epidemic and addiction treatment.  While concerns about dependence, misuse, and societal perceptions are valid, it is essential to recognize Suboxone's benefits in aiding recovery, reducing withdrawal symptoms, and improving treatment retention.  A comprehensive approach that combines medication-assisted treatment with therapy and support is necessary to navigate the controversy effectively.  By balancing the potential benefits and concerns, healthcare professionals, policymakers, and society at large can work towards a more inclusive and effective approach to combating opioid addiction.

Harm reduction is a pragmatic and compassionate approach to addressing substance abuse that prioritizes minimizing the negative consequences associated with drug use, rather than solely focusing on abstinence.  Traditional approaches to addressing substance abuse have often centered on abstinence-based models, which, while effective for some individuals, may not be suitable or realistic for all. Harm reduction, as an alternative approach, emphasizes pragmatic strategies aimed at minimizing the negative consequences of substance use without necessarily requiring immediate cessation.  It’s extremely important to remember that the road to recovery is not always linear, and some individuals may find it challenging to achieve complete abstinence immediately. Suboxone offers a harm-reduction solution that keeps individuals engaged in treatment, thereby reducing the likelihood of relapse and its accompanying dangers.  This pragmatic stance does not dismiss the concerns associated with Suboxone but rather evaluates its impact within the larger context of addiction.  The focus shifts from debating the merits of medication-assisted treatment to acknowledging the lives that can be saved and transformed through harm reduction strategies like Suboxone.  By preventing overdose deaths and the spread of infectious diseases, Suboxone serves as a lifeline for individuals who might otherwise remain trapped in a cycle of despair and danger.  To fully embrace the harm reduction potential of Suboxone, a comprehensive approach is essential.  This involves coupling Suboxone treatment with counseling, therapy, and support services.  The goal is to provide individuals with the tools to rebuild their lives, addressing not only the physical aspects of addiction but also the underlying psychological and social factors. Education also plays a pivotal role in this approach.  Ensuring that individuals, healthcare providers, and communities are well informed about the benefits and limitations of Suboxone is crucial for destigmatizing its use and promoting responsible administration. When the narrative shifts from judgment to understanding, individuals are more likely to seek help and stay engaged in their recovery journey.  If Suboxone is what is keeping a needle loaded with heroin or fentanyl out of your arm, then I'm all for it.  This idea recognizes the need for harm reduction strategies in the face of the opioid crisis.  Suboxone's role in minimizing immediate risks, preventing overdose deaths, and reducing disease transmission aligns with the principles of harm reduction.  This perspective reframes the conversation, emphasizing the value of saving lives and empowering individuals to take steps toward recovery, even if they are not yet ready for complete abstinence.

While Suboxone has proven to be a valuable tool in harm reduction and aiding individuals on their path to recovery, concerns about its potential for misuse and the perpetuation of dependence cannot be dismissed. Striking a balance between providing accessible treatment options and preventing unintended consequences remains a challenge that requires ongoing research, policy refinement, and collaboration between medical professionals, policymakers, and advocacy groups. As society continues to grapple with the complexities of addiction, a comprehensive and compassionate approach that considers all aspects of the issue will be crucial in finding solutions that prioritize both individual well-being and public health.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

29. Suboxone

Dealing with substance abuse disorders can be really complicated, but there's some good news.  Specialized medicines have been developed to tackle the tough challenges these disorders bring.  These new medications offer a glimmer of hope in the often overwhelming and daunting world of addiction treatment.  As we examine these medicines that are designed to fight substance abuse disorders, we're also exploring how they can help people on their journey to recovery. One of the medicines most prescribed to help combat opioid dependence and addiction is Suboxone.  It is a powerful tool for treating addiction. Suboxone eases withdrawal symptoms and cravings and guides people toward stability, strength, and better well-being.  This week, I’d like to examine what Suboxone is made of, how it works, and some benefits it offers.

Suboxone contains two main ingredients: Buprenorphine and Naloxone. Each of these components serves a specific purpose in the treatment process.  Buprenorphine is an ingredient in Suboxone that is classified as a partial agonist because it binds to opioid receptors in the brain, which are involved in pain relief and other functions, however, it only activates them partially resulting in a much milder response. In the context of opioid receptors in the brain, a full agonist, like heroin or painkillers, would fully activate the receptor, leading to a strong response, like pain relief and/or euphoria. Naloxone is the ingredient in Suboxone that is classified as a full antagonist.  Unlike Buprenorphine, Naloxone binds strongly to opioid receptors without activating them. Instead, it competes with opioids for receptor binding, effectively displacing opioids from the receptors and reversing their effects.  When taken as directed (sublingually, under the tongue), Suboxone doesn’t cause an intense high because it has a limited effect due to poor absorption; however, if it is misused by being injected, the Naloxone will cause withdrawal symptoms, discouraging further misuse.  Suboxone is usually part of a comprehensive treatment plan that involves counseling, therapy, and support services. It's not meant to be the only solution, but rather a tool in the “toolbox” to help in the recovery journey from opioid addiction.  It’s extremely important to always follow your doctor's guidance when using Suboxone, or any prescribed medication for that matter.

Suboxone has several potential benefits when used alongside a comprehensive treatment plan.  Suboxone's composition addresses both the physical cravings and withdrawal symptoms associated with opioid addiction while deterring misuse.  It can greatly reduce the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms when someone stops using opioids, helping to make the early stages of recovery more bearable. Suboxone also helps decrease the intense cravings for opioids, which often trigger a relapse.  Suboxone provides a stable and consistent level of medication in the body due to its long-lasting effect.  It ensures a controlled and gradual transition away from stronger opioids which can help people avoid the extreme ups and downs linked to the use of full opioids, helping to promote emotional stability.  Suboxone is a partial opioid, so the risk of overdose is much lower than that of a full opioid (heroin, painkillers).  This creates a safer environment during recovery.  Suboxone treatment should act as a bridge to abstinence by helping people stabilize their lives and make necessary behavioral changes before gradually reducing the medication under medical supervision.

By supporting individuals in their journey toward sobriety, Suboxone plays a pivotal role in curbing the opioid epidemic and fostering lasting recovery.  When Suboxone treatment is combined with counseling, therapy, and support services it can boost the chances of sustained recovery.  It's crucial to remember that while Suboxone has lots of potential benefits, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution.  The decision to use Suboxone or any prescribed medication, should be made with guidance from a qualified healthcare provider.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

28. A Letter to My Mother

“Dear Mom,

I am writing this letter to apologize for everything I have put you through.  This is the first time in years I finally have a drug-free and clear mind.  Every day here, all I can think about is how poorly I’ve treated you for the past twenty-something years.  I know this letter isn’t much, but I will be trying to make up for all the hurt I’ve ever put you through for the rest of my life.  I’ve said some truly horrible things to you while I was under the influence, and while I was sober.  There is no excuse, sober or not.  I’ve been self-medicating to mask underlying issues that I’ve struggled with for a very long time, not even realizing how that was going to f*** me up in the long run.  It turned me into someone different from, “your Kyle.”  Thinking back, I don’t even realize how I said some of those things that I said to you.  I never realized how hurtful some of the things I said were.  I want you to know that I did not mean ANY of it.  I can’t take it back, but I can turn my life around for you and myself.  You gave me life but also saved my life by pushing me to get help.  Rehab is the best decision I’ve ever made.  Had it not been suggested, I may have drugged myself to death.  I will forever try to make it up to you from here on out and I am SO sorry for all the trouble and pain I have put you through.  I love you SO much, you don’t even know.

Love Kyle”

On March 7, 2018, while I was sitting in the confines of my first-ever inpatient rehab program, I felt an overwhelming urge to reach out to one person who had always been there for me - my mother.  With pen in hand, I poured my heart onto the paper, determined to express my sincerest apologies and intentions to turn my life around.  Little did I know that the letter I wrote that day would remain hidden, untouched, and unsent for years to come.  It was only recently, as I was cleaning out my closet at my mother's house, that I stumbled upon this heartbreaking piece of my past.  As I unfolded the crinkled pages, a wave of emotions washed over me.  Regret, guilt, and a glimmer of hope filled my heart.  It was a snapshot of the person I used to be - a person deeply wounded by addiction but still clinging to the possibility of redemption.  The reason I never gave my mother this letter became apparent as I retraced my tumultuous journey.  You see, I left that initial rehab program and immediately transferred to long-term inpatient rehab.  And yet, even within the walls of this long-term program, I couldn't resist the allure of escapism through drugs.  Against medical advice, I left the long-term program after a mere two days.  My return home marked the beginning of a heartbreaking cycle: attending rehab, promising myself and others that I would change, only to succumb to the clutches of addiction, sometimes within hours.  Amid my struggles, I wrote this letter with utmost sincerity.  Each word bore the weight of my desperate desire to conquer my demons, to cleanse myself of the addiction that had held me captive for far too long.  I truly meant every apology, every expression of remorse, and every promise of change.  Yet, the grip of addiction proved stronger than my willpower, leading me astray for nearly three more agonizing years.

Today, with the wisdom of hindsight, I comprehend the true extent of addiction's reach.  It is a monstrous force that not only ravages the life of the addict but also inflicts immense pain on those who love them. My mother, bless her heart, bore the brunt of my addiction, experiencing the full force of my destructive behavior.  She weathered every storm, endured every heartbreak, and shouldered every burden that my addiction brought upon her.  While I sought refuge in drugs, attempting to numb the unbearable weight of emotions, my mother bravely faced the reality of my addiction without respite.  The pain and suffering I inflicted upon her were felt far beyond my comprehension.  In those moments when I penned that letter, I could not fathom the scope of addiction's impact on loved ones.  But today, I see it with crystal clear clarity.  Addiction engulfs entire families, leaving scars that may take a lifetime to heal.

As I look back on that letter, I can't help but wonder how different things might have been if I had been able to stay true to my intentions.  If only I had possessed the strength to defeat my demons sooner, to spare my mother from the unrelenting pain she endured.  But addiction is a relentless adversary, a monster that skews perceptions and distorts judgment.  Now, as I confront my past and the harsh reality of my actions, I strive to be a source of support and hope for others trapped in the clutches of addiction.  I share my story not to seek forgiveness or pity but to remind everyone that addiction extends its tentacles far beyond the addicted individual.

To those struggling with addiction, I implore you to seek help, to find the strength to reclaim your life before it's too late.  And to the loved ones of addicts, I extend my deepest empathy and understanding.  Addiction may have cast a dark shadow on my past, but I am determined to emerge from it, not just for myself but for the one who never stopped believing in me - my mother.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

27. The Little Things

In the chaotic hustle of our fast-paced world, it's all too easy to overlook the small pleasures that weave through our daily lives.  Shifting our thought perspective and embracing gratitude for these seemingly insignificant moments can lead to greater contentment and happiness. Gratitude is a potent emotional tool (backed by scientific research) that has the power to rewire our mental perspective and significantly improve our well-being.  It’s an emotion that arises from recognizing and appreciating the kindness and positivity we receive from others or experience in our lives. 

I had an unexpected encounter at the ice cream stand the other day when I ran into a friend from recovery.  It doesn’t sound like anything crazy but, here comes the twist—this encounter became a pivotal moment of insight for me.  He knows that I am also in recovery because he was at the very first self-help group that I attended after completing my first 28-day rehab back in 2018.  I remember the meeting very well.  I was so nervous because my only experience with self-help groups had been a daily meeting that other addicts and alcoholics brought into rehab.  It was always the very last group of the day.  I really looked forward to the meetings (most nights).  I remember hearing the members that brought these self-help groups in tell all the patients that the first thing we needed to do when we left rehab was to find a local self-help group, attend a meeting, raise my hand, introduce myself, and let the other members know that I was fresh out of rehab and needed support.  I was so beaten down and broken because of years and years of substance abuse.  I had tried everything else up to that point and nothing had worked, so I figured I’d give it a shot and did exactly what I was told.  I raised my hand, introduced myself as Kyle, an alcoholic/addict, and told them I was fresh out of rehab and looking for support.  I met a lot of really cool and interesting people that night; people who had experienced the same kind of destruction and devastation as a result of substance abuse. 

He was ordering after me at the ice cream stand, so we started some small talk asking how each other had been and what we had been up to.  I replied, “Ah, you know the same old stuff.”  He paused briefly before answering.  He looked me square in the eyes and proceeded to say, “What do you mean?  You’ve never had it so good!”  We finished speaking, said our goodbyes, snagged our ice creams, and parted ways.

I got into my car to head home but I couldn’t stop thinking about him telling me, “What do you mean?  You’ve never had it so good!”  I wasn’t having the greatest day ever.  It was just a “blah” kind of day for me; nothing great was happening but also nothing horrible was happening.  We all have these kinds of “blah” days; they're as common as Monday morning blues.  But what if those ordinary days could be something greater? As my friend demonstrated, sometimes it just takes a shift in perspective to unlock the hidden joys in life.

He hit the nail right on the head.  I really haven’t had it so good before in my entire life.  I have a supportive family who sticks by me through thick and thin, a roof over my head, and friends who aren't afraid to call me out on my BS (and believe me, we all need those friends)!  I have the pleasure of writing for The Independent Republican, my town’s local newspaper.  I’ve had numerous opportunities where I was able to spread awareness of substance abuse in the very same schools I once attended.  I can go on and on, but I think you probably get the picture.

This unexpected ice cream rendezvous reminded me of the bigger picture—how far I’ve come since attending that first self-help group and how much I have to be thankful for.  Sometimes we lose sight of important things in our lives.  We end up “plateauing” and life just seems very bland.  We get caught up just casually going through life’s ups and downs without being truly grateful for the little things.  Today, I don’t have to avoid my family for days on end because I’m too messed up.  I’m not waking up sick every single morning, having to chug a beer and pop a Xanax pill to “get well.”  I’m not shooting up in an abandoned house somewhere in the hood.  I have no open legal cases against me.  The list goes on and on.  He was one hundred percent right – I really haven’t ever had it so good. 

So, what's the moral of this ice cream tale?  Don't let life's plateaus make everything seem so bland.  Relish the small moments that make life worth living.  Be grateful for your journey, the people who love you, and the opportunities that have come your way. Life may not always be grand, but there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

26. Understanding Relapse

Substance use disorders (SUDs) continue to pose a significant public health concern worldwide, with relapse being a common and often very challenging aspect of the recovery process.  Relapse in SUDs is defined as the return to substance use after a period of abstinence.  Relapse can be considered a part of the recovery process for individuals with SUDs; however, it is NOT a requirement.  There are countless alcoholics and addicts who got sober on their first attempt and never had to experience relapse and the devastation that can come from it.  Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.  I often refer to myself as a “chronic relapse.”  I was constantly getting clean and relapsing, seemingly stuck in the vicious cycle of addiction.  There were times when I completed a rehab program and found myself using again that very night.  Although relapse is generally looked at as a negative experience, there are many positives that can be taken from it.  It is extremely important to recognize that relapse is NOT a sign of personal failure but rather a complex phenomenon influenced by various factors.  Let me walk you through my first-ever relapse in this week's column!

In 2018, I entered a 28-day rehab program for the first time.  Although I initially went to please family members, my mindset on being sober did begin to shift after completing detox.  I buckled down and decided to give the process a chance.  I attended all my groups, diligently took notes, participated whenever possible, and completed all the assignments that I was assigned.  I began to truly think I would be able to remain sober for the rest of my life.  Toward the end of my 28 days, I even asked my counselor that I be transferred to a long-term, three-month, rehab program.  She agreed and we filled out all the necessary paperwork so that I could be admitted. I was discharged and picked up on my 28th day by a family friend who brought me home briefly so that I could pack for the long-term rehab.

Upon being discharged from the 28-day program, the staff gave me back my cell phone.  I was going through all the text messages I had received while I did not have possession of my phone (they don’t allow patients access to their cell phones in most programs). They were coming in one after another, tons of text messages.  That’s when a text from my dealer popped up.  He asked if I was okay because I had abruptly left for that first rehab without telling anyone other than my family.  I do not believe he asked me that because he was genuinely worried about me.  Instead, I think he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t dead because of taking something he had sold me.  In today’s society, that can potentially lead to serious legal consequences for dealers, and rightfully so!

I remember sitting in the car as we drove to the long-term program when I began experiencing my first real cravings.  You see that text triggered something in me.  I wasn’t sure exactly what had caused it at the time, but looking back now, I know it was that text from my dealer. I immediately answered him.  I told him that I had gone on vacation and would be back in three months' time.  I asked that he have one thousand Xanax pills ready for me the day I was supposed to return home from long-term treatment.  For the next two days, I could not shake the thought of using.  It was literally all I could think about.  I eventually gave in to the temptation and told my counselors that I did not intend on staying any longer and would be going home. Against the nurses, doctors, and counselors' advice, I began to pack my bags and was on the road home later that day.  I was using Xanax that very night and began drinking alcohol the following day.  Not even six hours after returning home from my first rehab stint, I had relapsed.

While relapses in SUDs are generally viewed as setbacks and can be extremely challenging to navigate, there are positives that can potentially be taken from the experience.  It's essential to remember that these positives should not undermine the importance of seeking help and avoiding relapse whenever possible.  My first counselor, the man who was able to get me into my first 28-day program is an exceptionally wise man.  I was very fortunate to be a patient of his for several years.  He would always tell me that he believed that an entire comprehensive rehabilitation treatment plan could be created by “taking a fine-tooth comb and combing through an addict's relapse.”  It took me a long time to fully grasp that idea of his.  I eventually realized what he meant by “combing” through all the details was that we could eventually determine exactly what triggered the cravings, what to do if it happens in the future, and what I learned from the experience.  He would have me explain in detail what had happened that led up to the relapse.  By doing this, we were able to develop techniques and coping skills to use should I find myself in that type of situation again.  He helped me establish new coping skills, stress reduction techniques, and mindfulness-based practices.  Recognizing that relapse can be a powerful learning experience, my counselor helped me build resilience by addressing the underlying issues that contributed to my relapse.  He emphasized the importance of self-compassion and an understanding that recovery is a journey with ups and downs.  Each relapse, while painful and difficult, provided valuable insights into my triggers and vulnerabilities, helping me develop a personalized relapse prevention plan.

Years later, I eventually started using the tools, techniques, and coping mechanisms that I had learned from my counselor.  It was not an easy process, but I gradually regained control of my life.  While I still faced challenges along the way, the lessons learned from my first relapse played a vital role in shaping my determination to maintain sobriety.

Relapse can be a very distressing part of the recovery process for individuals with SUDs. Should a relapse occur, it should be viewed as an opportunity for growth, self-reflection, and a renewed commitment to the recovery journey.  It should not be perceived as a moral failure.  Emphasizing self-compassion can lead to valuable insights that aid in creating an individualized recovery plan.  While relapse is not ideal, it can provide an opportunity for growth and resilience in the journey toward long-term sobriety.  With appropriate treatment, support, and relapse prevention strategies in place, individuals can reduce their risk of relapse and achieve sustained recovery.  Remember, recovery is a journey, and each step, whether forward or backward, can bring us closer to a healthier and more fulfilling life.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

25. The 12 Steps of Recovery (Steps 11 & 12)

The 12 steps of recovery have become a prominent framework for overcoming addiction and finding a path to personal growth and fulfillment.  Originally developed by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in the 1930s, these steps have since been adapted and embraced by various support groups and programs for a wide range of addictions and compulsive behaviors.  The 12 steps provide a systematic approach to tackling addiction and regaining control of one's life.  Each step of the recovery process builds upon the previous one, promoting personal responsibility, accountability, and a massive shift in mindset.  These steps aim to address the underlying issues that fuel addictive behaviors. 

At last, we have made it to the final two steps of The 12 Steps of Recovery.  Let’s delve into Step 11 and Step 12 so we can wrap this baby up!

Step 11: “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a higher power, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”  Step 11 encourages individuals to cultivate a deep and meaningful connection with a higher power, understanding that sustained sobriety often stems from spiritual growth. One of the key aspects of Step 11 is recognizing that spirituality DOES NOT adhere to a specific religion.  This step invites individuals to engage in practices such as prayer, meditation, and reflection, allowing them to tap into their inner selves and explore their relationship with a power greater than themselves.  It opens the door for individuals to explore their own unique understanding of spirituality.  By dedicating time to quiet meditation and seeking conscious contact with a higher power, individuals can experience a sense of serenity, peace, and clarity.  These practices provide an opportunity for self-discovery, helping individuals develop a stronger connection with their values, beliefs, and sense of purpose.  Step 11 encourages mindfulness, promoting an increased awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.  By integrating meditation and prayer into their daily routines, individuals learn to manage stress, reduce anxiety, and stay present in the moment.  These practices contribute to emotional resilience, allowing individuals to navigate life's challenges without resorting to harmful addictive behaviors.

Step 12: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics/addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." Step 12 emphasizes the importance of selfless service and the role it plays in maintaining long-term recovery.  Having undergone their own transformative journey, individuals are encouraged to share their experience, strength, and hope with others who are still struggling.  By carrying the message of recovery, they extend a helping hand to those in need, developing a sense of unity, connection, and accountability within the recovery community.  By offering support, guidance, and empathy to others, individuals experience the joy of helping someone else find their path to recovery.  This process of giving back strengthens their commitment to sobriety and reinforces the principles they have learned throughout the 12-Step Program.  This step serves as a reminder that recovery is an ongoing process, and individuals must always remain vigilant in their own sobriety. Engaging in service work allows individuals to remain connected to a supportive community, reminding them of the progress they have made and encouraging them to continue growing.  Through service, individuals reinforce their own commitment to maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle, ultimately reducing the risk of relapse.

Steps 11 and 12 of the 12-Step Program mark the culmination of a transformative journey toward lasting recovery.  By embracing spiritual growth and engaging in selfless service, individuals develop a deep connection with a higher power of their choice and find purpose in helping others.  Through practices such as prayer, meditation, and reflection, individuals develop self-awareness, resilience, and serenity. By sharing their experiences and supporting others, individuals not only reinforce their own commitment to sobriety but also contribute to the strength and unity of the recovery community.  Steps 11 and 12 offer a pathway to personal growth, fulfillment, and a life free from the grips of addiction.

Many people never truly “finish” with the 12 Steps.  Some come back to a step years after they believed they were through with it.  It's important to remember that everyone's recovery journey is unique, therefore what happens beyond completing the 12 steps may vary for each individual.  The completion of the steps is a significant accomplishment, but it also marks the beginning of a new phase of personal growth, ongoing commitment, and a lifelong dedication to maintaining sobriety.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

24. The 12 Steps of Recovery (Steps 9 & 10)

The 12 steps are a proven effective framework for overcoming addiction and finding a path to personal growth and fulfillment.  Originally developed in the 1930s, these steps have since been adapted and embraced by various support groups and programs for a wide range of addictions and compulsive behaviors.  The 12 Steps provide a systematic approach to tackling addiction and regaining control of one's life.  Each step of the recovery process builds upon the previous one, promoting personal responsibility, accountability, and a massive shift in mindset.  The steps aim to address the underlying issues that fuel addictive behaviors.  Last week’s column focused on steps 7 and 8.  How about we look at steps 9 and 10 this week?

Step Nine: “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”  Step 9 centers around the notion of making direct amends to individuals harmed by one's addiction and its consequences.  It entails acknowledging the harm caused, accepting responsibility for one's actions, and taking necessary steps to make sincere apologies and reparations wherever possible.  Step 9 necessitates an honest self-appraisal, requiring individuals to confront the consequences of their addiction and accept the harm they have caused.  By acknowledging the truth and taking responsibility, individuals set the stage for healing and reconciliation.  Recognizing the need to make amends requires humility and humility fosters empathy, paving the way for genuine apologies.  Individuals must embrace their vulnerability, recognize their imperfections, and approach those they have harmed with a sincere desire to make things right.  Step 9 calls for individuals to embody integrity by following through on their commitments to making amends.  This entails taking concrete actions to repair relationships and rectify the damage done, even if it requires personal sacrifice and/or discomfort.  Making amends can alleviate the burden of guilt, shame, and remorse carried by individuals in recovery.  By expressing remorse and seeking forgiveness, individuals can experience a sense of emotional release and begin to heal the wounds caused by their past actions.  Step 9 represents a critical turning point in the journey toward healing and restoration. By embracing honesty, humility, and integrity, individuals in recovery can make amends for the harm caused by addiction, offering an opportunity for emotional healing, rebuilding relationships, and personal growth.

Step 10: "We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." This step encourages individuals to engage in regular self-reflection and introspection, ensuring that they remain aware of their thoughts, feelings, and actions.  By embracing this practice, individuals develop a heightened sense of self-awareness, helping them identify any destructive patterns or behaviors that could potentially jeopardize their recovery.

Continual personal inventory involves consciously examining our thoughts, motives, and behaviors on an ongoing basis.  It requires us to honestly evaluate our actions, attitudes, and reactions to situations, not only when we encounter challenges but also during everyday life. Self-reflection serves as a powerful tool for understanding our own strengths, weaknesses, triggers, and vulnerabilities.  It allows us to make informed choices and take corrective measures when necessary.  Through this step, individuals learn to take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge the impact they have on themselves and others.  By actively examining their behaviors, they can recognize when they have acted inappropriately, caused harm, or deviated from their values.  This awareness enables them to make amends promptly, seek forgiveness, and make necessary reparations.  By doing so, individuals foster personal growth and maintain the integrity of their recovery.  Ultimately, Step 10 contributes to the overall maintenance of sobriety, emotional well-being, and a more fulfilling life.  By engaging in regular self-reflection, taking accountability for their actions, and fostering healthy relationships, individuals can navigate the complexities of life with increased self-awareness and integrity.  The continued practice of Step 10 enables individuals to continuously learn from their mistakes, make amends, and forge a path toward a healthier, more fulfilling future.

In conclusion, step 9 and step 10 of The 12 Steps represent pivotal stages in the transformative process of healing and recovery.  By addressing the consequences of their past actions and making amends, individuals can rebuild trust, repair relationships, and cultivate a sense of personal integrity.  Moreover, the commitment to daily self-reflection and accountability in Step 10 fosters ongoing growth, self-awareness, and a renewed commitment to a healthier, more fulfilling life.  Through these steps, individuals embark on a journey of personal growth, laying the foundation for a brighter future filled with resilience, compassion, and self-discovery.  Make sure to tune in next week for the final two steps of The 12 Steps!

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

23. The 12 Steps of Recovery (Steps 7 & 8)

The 12 steps have become a prominent framework for overcoming addiction and finding a path to personal growth and fulfillment.  Originally developed in the 1930s, these steps have since been adapted and embraced by various support groups and programs for a wide range of addictions and compulsive behaviors.  The 12 Steps provide a systematic approach to tackling addiction and regaining control of one's life.  Each step of the recovery process builds upon the previous one, promoting personal responsibility, accountability, and a massive shift in mindset.  The steps aim to address the underlying issues that fuel addictive behaviors.  Last week’s column focused on step 5 and step 6.  Let’s dive into steps 7 and 8 this week, shall we?

Step 7 and Step 8 provide individuals with opportunities for self-reflection, growth, and making amends.  Step 7 focuses on humility and surrender, encouraging individuals to recognize their shortcomings and turn to a higher power for guidance and healing.  It involves a willingness to let go of control and allow personal transformation to occur. Step 8 focuses on personal relationships and accountability.  It prompts individuals to compile a list of individuals harmed during their addiction and prepare themselves mentally and emotionally to make amends for their past actions.

Step 7: “We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” In Step 7, individuals in recovery recognize the negative patterns, behaviors, and traits that have hindered their progress and caused harm in their lives. They acknowledge the need for change and sincerely seek assistance from a higher power, which can be interpreted differently depending on personal beliefs or religious affiliations.  To effectively complete this step, individuals embark on a journey of self-reflection and self-awareness.  They inventory their shortcomings, acknowledging the areas where they fall short or where they have developed unhealthy patterns of behavior.  This introspection requires honesty, openness, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about oneself.  With newfound humility, individuals turn to their higher power and humbly ask for help in removing these defects of character. This act of surrender acknowledges the individual's recognition that they cannot overcome their shortcomings on their own.  By asking for (divine) assistance, they demonstrate their willingness to let go of their ego and accept guidance from a power greater than themselves.  By seeking to remove these defects of character, individuals aim to develop healthier behaviors, attitudes, and relationships.  This step encourages humility, self-improvement, and a renewed commitment to a life free from the destructive patterns that have contributed to an individual’s addiction. 

Step 8: “We made a list of all persons we harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”  Step 8 encourages individuals to undertake a fearless and honest self-appraisal, identifying the people they have harmed directly or indirectly due to their addiction or other destructive behaviors.  It emphasizes the willingness to initiate the process of making amends, fostering healing, and rebuilding relationships.  Step 8 prompts individuals to reflect upon their past actions and behaviors, acknowledging the negative impact they have had on others.  This step allows individuals to confront their past, fully comprehend the damage they have caused, and develop a deeper understanding of the consequences of their actions.  The process of creating an amends list is a vital component of Step 8. It involves compiling a thorough list of the individuals harmed, including friends, family members, coworkers, and others affected by one's addictive behaviors.  The list must be in-depth, including both major and minor wrongdoings.  The purpose is to encourage a genuine desire for reconciliation, regardless of the severity of the harm inflicted.  Step 8 emphasizes the cultivation of a genuine willingness to rectify past wrongs.  This willingness is the driving force behind personal transformation and the restoration of damaged relationships.  It requires individuals to cultivate humility, empathy, and a sincere desire to repair the harm they have caused. The process of becoming willing to make amends signifies a shift towards accountability, growth, and the pursuit of a more positive and fulfilling life.  Essential to Step 8 is the concept of forgiveness. By recognizing the harm they have caused and making amends, individuals open the door for forgiveness from others and themselves. Forgiveness is a healing process that liberates individuals from the burden of guilt and shame, allowing them to move forward with renewed purpose and integrity. Through genuine acts of remorse, individuals can rebuild trust, repair relationships, and experience the transformative power of forgiveness. 

In conclusion, Step 7 and Step 8 of the 12 steps offer individuals a profound opportunity for personal growth, transformation, and restoration of relationships. Step 7 teaches the importance of humility and surrender, allowing individuals to acknowledge their limitations and seek guidance from a higher power.  Step 8 emphasizes the significance of personal accountability and making amends for past harm caused to others.  It encourages individuals to confront their past actions and prepare themselves to rebuild trust and repair damaged relationships.  These steps pave the way for introspection, self-improvement, and healing, ultimately empowering individuals to rebuild and nurture healthy connections with themselves and others.  Stay tuned in the coming weeks for the final four steps of The 12 Steps!

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

22. The 12 Steps of Recovery (Steps 5 & 6)

The 12 steps have become a prominent framework for overcoming addiction and finding a path to personal growth and fulfillment.  Originally developed in the 1930s, these steps have since been adapted and embraced by various support groups and programs for a wide range of addictions and compulsive behaviors.  The 12 Steps provide a systematic approach to tackling addiction and regaining control of one's life.  While originally designed for individuals struggling with alcoholism, the steps have proven effective for individuals facing diverse challenges such as drug addiction, sex addiction, gambling, overeating, and more.  Each step of the recovery process builds upon the previous one, promoting personal responsibility, accountability, and a massive shift in mindset.  The steps aim to address the underlying issues that fuel addictive behaviors.  Last week’s column focused on steps 1 through 4.  Let’s dive into steps 5 and 6 this week, shall we?

Steps 5 and 6 form a crucial part of this transformative journey, as they focus on introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth.  In Step 5, participants are encouraged to share their deepest, darkest secrets and past wrongdoings with a trusted sponsor or another supportive individual, allowing them to unburden themselves and begin the process of healing.  Step 6, on the other hand, centers around accepting personal flaws and character defects, and cultivating the willingness to let go of these negative traits.  Together, these steps pave the way for individuals to confront their past, develop humility, and embark on a path of self-improvement and spiritual awakening.

Step 5: “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”  Step 5 is designed to help individuals confront their past and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.  It emphasizes the importance of honesty, self-reflection, and accountability.  This step is meant to provide individuals with an opportunity to openly acknowledge and share their past mistakes, character defects (any challenge in one’s personal character that may affect their way of life and interactions with others in a less-than-ideal manner), and harmful behaviors.  Step 5 of the 12 Steps can be broken down into three parts.  The first part of Step 5 encourages individuals to admit their wrongdoings to their concept of a higher power often referred to as "God" (this need not be religious).  This acknowledgment involves recognizing the consequences of one's actions, as well as seeking guidance, forgiveness, and spiritual growth.  The second part of Step 5 involves admitting the exact nature of one's wrongs to oneself.  This process requires individuals to delve deep into their past behaviors, attitudes, and motivations, taking an honest and fearless inventory of their actions.  By facing the truth about themselves, they can gain a clearer understanding of the patterns, triggers, and underlying issues that contribute to their addictive or harmful behaviors.  The third, and final part of Step 5 is sharing this inventory with another human being.  This can be a sponsor, a trusted friend, a therapist, or someone within the recovery community who can provide support and guidance.  By opening up to someone else and sharing their vulnerabilities, individuals can experience a sense of relief, acceptance, and connection.  Completing Step 5 allows individuals to unburden themselves from the weight of guilt, shame, and secrets.  Step 5 encourages self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and a commitment to change by confronting and acknowledging their wrongdoings.  Only then can an individual build a solid foundation for personal growth, begin repairing damaged relationships, and develop healthier behaviors moving forward.

Step 6: “We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”  In Step 6, individuals take an introspective look at themselves and begin to develop a willingness to let go of their negative traits, behaviors, and patterns that have contributed to their addictive or problematic behaviors.  This step requires an open mind, humility, and a genuine desire for change.  The focus of Step 6 is recognizing and acknowledging one's character defects or flaws. These defects can vary widely and may include traits such as dishonesty, selfishness, fear, resentment, impulsivity, or a lack of self-control.  It is essential to understand that this step is not about self-condemnation or self-blame but rather about developing the readiness to let go of these harmful patterns.  By becoming "entirely ready," individuals demonstrate a sincere willingness to take responsibility for their actions and the impact they have had on themselves and others.  This process involves self-reflection, self-awareness, and a genuine desire for personal growth and change.  It is important to note that Step 6 does not require the immediate removal of all defects of character but instead focuses on the willingness to embark on this transformative journey. Step 6 signifies a sincere willingness to let go of destructive character defects, paving the way for personal growth, healing, and the adoption of healthier behaviors and attitudes.

In conclusion, Steps 5 and 6 of The 12 Steps represent a crucial phase in the journey of recovery and personal transformation.  In Step 5, individuals courageously confront their past mistakes and share them with a trusted person or their higher power, promoting healing and self-acceptance.  Step 6 involves accepting responsibility for these character defects and preparing for change, fostering a newfound willingness to let go of harmful behaviors.  Stay tuned in the coming weeks for the remaining 6 steps of The 12 Steps!

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

21. The 12 Steps of Recovery (Steps 1-4)

The 12 steps of recovery have become a prominent framework for overcoming addiction and finding a path to personal growth and fulfillment.  Originally developed by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in the 1930s, these steps have since been adapted and embraced by various support groups and programs for a wide range of addictions and compulsive behaviors.  The 12 steps provide a systematic approach to tackling addiction and regaining control of one's life. They offer a roadmap to spiritual, emotional, and psychological healing, focusing on self-reflection, self-acceptance, and the power of community.  While originally designed for individuals struggling with alcoholism, the steps have proven effective for individuals facing diverse challenges such as drug addiction, sex addiction, gambling, overeating, and more.

Each step of the recovery process builds upon the previous one, promoting personal responsibility, accountability, and a massive shift in mindset.  These steps aim to address the underlying issues that fuel addictive behaviors.  In this week’s column, I would like to focus closely on steps one through four.

Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” Step One represents a significant turning point for individuals seeking recovery, as it involves accepting the reality of powerlessness over the substance they are addicted to and recognizing the unmanageability of their lives as a result.  It emphasizes the need to let go of denial and face the truth about the destructive impact addiction has had on their physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Step 2: “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  In Step Two, individuals acknowledge that their addiction has made their lives unmanageable, and they realize that their own efforts alone may not be sufficient to overcome their addiction. This step encourages individuals to open their minds to the possibility that there is a force or entity beyond themselves that can provide strength and help in their journey towards recovery.  They begin to explore the concept of a higher power, which can be interpreted in various ways depending on an individual's beliefs or spirituality.  This step encourages individuals to embrace the concept of a higher power, acknowledging that healing and restoration are possible through external guidance and support.  The higher power can be personalized, allowing individuals to find solace and strength in their own personal spiritual beliefs.  This step does not impose any specific religious beliefs; rather, it encourages individuals to find a spiritual path that resonates with them personally.

Step 3: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”  In Step 3, individuals in recovery are encouraged to recognize their limitations and surrender their self-will.  They acknowledge that their addiction has caused unmanageability in their lives and accept the need for a power greater than themselves to restore sanity and provide guidance.  This higher power can be interpreted in various ways, depending on an individual's personal beliefs or spiritual understanding.  Surrender is a powerful act of humility and acceptance.  By relinquishing control and placing their trust in a higher power, individuals open themselves up to the possibility of true transformation. Surrendering allows them to let go of old patterns and make room for a new way of life.  By making a conscious decision to turn over their will and lives to this higher power, individuals let go of their attempts to control every aspect of their existence.  They embrace humility, accepting that they cannot overcome addiction on their own.  This surrender allows them to tap into a source of strength and wisdom beyond their own understanding.  Step three is a pivotal moment in the recovery journey, marking a transition from self-reliance to a reliance on something greater.

Step 4: “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”  During Step 4, individuals are encouraged to identify and acknowledge their character defects, shortcomings, resentments, fears, and any other negative emotions or patterns that may have contributed to their addiction.  The purpose of this step is to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and the underlying causes of addictive behaviors.  To complete Step 4, individuals are typically advised to create a written inventory, listing their observations and reflections.  This inventory can include a thorough examination of personal strengths, weaknesses, past mistakes, and the impact their addiction has had on themselves and others.  The addict conducts an honest self-appraisal, examining past actions, behaviors, and beliefs.  By acknowledging their shortcomings, individuals gain insights into the roots of their addiction or destructive behavior.

While initially developed for alcoholics, the 12 Steps have been widely embraced by other mutual support groups, such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), Sex Anonymous (SA), and Gamblers Anonymous (GA).  Additionally, many addiction treatment programs and therapists integrate the principles of the 12 Steps into their therapeutic approaches, recognizing the effectiveness and profound impact these steps can have on the recovery process.  Each of the 12 Steps serves a specific purpose, building upon one another to facilitate personal growth and recovery.  These steps encourage addicted individuals to examine their behaviors, acknowledge the consequences of their addiction, make amends for past mistakes, develop a spiritual connection (which need not be religious), and support others in their recovery journey.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

20. Support Systems

Long-term recovery is an intricate and transformative journey that requires resilience and determination.  Achieving long-term recovery requires much more than just sheer willpower—it often demands for the foundation of a strong support system.  Support systems may include a wide range of individuals, groups, and resources that provide assistance and encouragement for long-term recovery.  I like to categorize support systems into four main types: personal support, professional support, community support, and emotional support.  Recognizing the significance of support systems in addiction recovery is vital to provide individuals with the tools and resources necessary to overcome their addiction.

Personal support consists of close family members, friends, and loved ones who offer emotional support, understanding, and encouragement.  They play a critical role in the recovery process by providing a sense of belonging, love, and accountability.  Personal support systems provide the essential emotional, social, and practical support necessary for individuals to navigate the ups and downs of their recovery process.  Personal support systems are instrumental in helping individuals navigate the complex terrain of recovery.

In addition to personal support, professional support networks play a significant role in the recovery process.  Professional support consists of healthcare professionals, therapists, counselors, and addiction specialists who possess the knowledge and expertise to guide individuals through their recovery journey.  These professionals offer evidence-based treatments, such as counseling, therapy, and medication-assisted treatment (MAT), tailored to the individual's needs.  Professional support is a structured approach to recovery that equips individuals with the necessary tools, coping strategies, and skills to overcome challenges and maintain long-term sobriety. 

Community support networks can introduce you to a whole new cast of characters who understand what you're going through.  Community support includes groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA).  These groups provide a non-judgmental and supportive environment where individuals can share their experiences, find guidance from peers who have walked a similar path, and learn from their collective wisdom.  Community support also extends to faith-based organizations, recovery centers, and online forums, which offer a sense of community and resources that can aid in the recovery process.

Emotional support, a fundamental aspect of recovery, plays a vital role in helping individuals navigate the complexities of their healing process. Recovery from addiction can be emotionally demanding, and having a strong support system can provide individuals with a safe space to express their feelings and fears.  Loved ones and peers can offer empathy, validation, and encouragement, which helps individuals develop a positive mindset and build resilience in the face of their challenges. Friends, family members, support groups, and mental health professionals can play vital roles in providing this type of emotional support.  Through active and empathetic listening, they help individuals process their feelings, alleviate emotional distress, and build a sense of belonging. 

In conclusion, support systems are an integral component of addiction recovery. Building and maintaining these support systems requires open communication, trust, and a willingness to seek help when needed.  Support systems hold individuals accountable for their actions and decisions, fostering a sense of responsibility. Family members and friends can provide gentle reminders, encouragement, and constructive feedback, helping individuals stay motivated and committed to their recovery goals. They provide emotional support, accountability, education, and practical assistance.  Personal, professional, community-based, and emotional support systems offer unique benefits to individuals seeking recovery from addiction. By fostering a sense of belonging, understanding, and encouragement, these support systems play a crucial role in empowering individuals to overcome addiction and lead fulfilling, sober lives.  As individuals recover from addictions, they discover the power of connection and find solace in knowing that they do not have to face their challenges alone.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

19. The Importance of Forgiveness

At times, recovery can be like trying to assemble a puzzle with missing pieces, while wearing a blindfold and balancing on one leg.  It’s a complex and challenging process that requires individuals to confront their past, heal their wounds, rebuild their lives, and hopefully find inner peace.  Among the many essential elements of recovery, forgiveness holds a profound significance. Forgiveness plays a pivotal role in recovery by facilitating emotional healing, promoting personal growth, and cultivating a healthier and more fulfilling life.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for emotional healing during the recovery process.  When individuals experience a trauma or an addiction, they often harbor resentment, anger, and bitterness.  These negative emotions can weigh heavily on their mental and emotional well-being.  Holding onto those negative emotions can easily disrupt progress and hinder the healing process.  Through forgiveness, individuals can let go of emotional baggage and find inner peace.  It provides the opportunity to heal emotional wounds, allowing individuals to rebuild their lives on a solid foundation of self-acceptance and compassion. It provides a pathway to emotional healing by granting individuals the opportunity to let go of pain and resentment, thus creating space for more positive emotions such as compassion, empathy, self-acceptance, and self-love.

Forgiveness is also instrumental in promoting personal growth in the recovery journey.  It encourages self-reflection, allowing individuals to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their experiences.  Individuals are prompted to examine their own contributions to the situation, their reactions, and their patterns of behavior.  It allows individuals to move beyond their pain and transform it into wisdom and resilience.  By forgiving yourself and others, individuals can break free from self-imposed limitations and self-blame.  This provides an opportunity for self-reflection, leading to greater self-awareness and personal development. Forgiveness allows individuals to learn from their experiences, develop empathy, and cultivate self-awareness.  It helps them to embrace their vulnerabilities, acknowledge their mistakes, and use them as stepping stones toward becoming a better version of themselves. 

In the recovery process, forgiveness plays a critical role in restoring and rebuilding relationships. Addiction often strains relationships.  By extending forgiveness, individuals can begin the process of rebuilding trust and repairing relationships.  Forgiveness promotes open communication, empathy, and understanding.  This often allows for healthier and more meaningful connections with others.  The individual begins to let go of resentment and grudges, creating a space for healing.  Restoring relationships not only provides a sense of belonging and support, but also strengthens the overall recovery process by providing a support network. 

Forgiveness is so important in the journey of recovery.  It facilitates emotional healing by letting go of negative emotions, promotes personal growth through self-reflection and resilience, and restores relationships through reconciliation and trust-building.  Embracing forgiveness empowers individuals to move forward, reclaim their lives, and hopefully find inner peace amidst the challenges of recovery.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

18. Letters from Rehab

I’d like to share an emotional letter that my mother wrote me while I was in one of the many rehabs that I attended.  I think it’s extremely important to share these letters with you because it shows a different perspective on addiction.  I always asked my family not to visit me while I was in rehab because I was embarrassed to be there.  The thing is, I had NOTHING to be embarrassed about!  After all, I was in rehab because I was trying to change my life for the better.  My family and friends often wrote me.  I saved almost every single card/note that I received (there are a lot) while I was bouncing from rehab to rehab. I’m so glad I did because I can now use them to help spread awareness on addiction.

“Dear Kyle,

 I miss you, but I’m so happy that you are working on getting your life back.  Sounds Like you are learning a lot there.  Your quality of life will be so much better when you’re living it free of alcohol and illegal drugs.  I truly think that you can do it and have a good life with way less stress – it doesn’t work when the only thing you care about is where your next fix is coming from.  Drugs and alcohol have determined the course of your life thus far.  They have caused you legal, financial, moral, employment problems and mental health issues.

I am so sorry that I didn’t realize that you were in so much pain and dealing with anxiety, stress, anger, etc.  I guess maybe I noticed some things but attributed it to tough teen years (puberty, emotions, growing pains, etc.).  Perhaps your problems and addictions wouldn’t have had the chance to progress as they did.  We’ll never know, but I am truly sorry for that. 

I’m proud of you taking action to get better.  I know it was one of the hardest things you will ever do, but also think it’s one of the most valuable things you could do for yourself.

I miss you terribly, but know you are working hard at finding a healthy way to live.  Your actions from now on will determine your path in life.  I know you can do this.  You have so many people that care about you and will be your support system.  We all love you and are praying and rooting for you.  You have a lot of good qualities, but they disappear when you are using.  Keep working hard – YOU CAN BE SUCCESSFUL.

 Love Mom”

Still think your addiction only affects you?  Well, think again.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

17. The Phenomenon of the Pink Cloud

The "pink cloud" theory is a phenomenon that can occur in early recovery from addiction where the addict may feel a sense of euphoria, exhilaration, and/or gratitude for their newfound sobriety.  This is a positive experience for many, BUT it can also be a double-edged sword that leads to unrealistic expectations and complacency. 

The pink cloud is an idea that, after years of addiction and self-destructive behavior, individuals in recovery experience a profound sense of relief and hope when they first achieve sobriety.  They are suddenly freed from the vicious cycle of addiction and the chaos that often accompanies it. The addict may begin to feel a renewed sense of purpose, clarity and motivation to pursue their goals and dreams.  This is often accompanied by feelings of gratitude as they begin to appreciate the people, opportunities, and experiences that they once took for granted.  The addict has a renewed lease on life… or so it seems. 

The pink cloud experience is often brief.  I’ve heard it jokingly referred to as a “honeymoon period” for someone in recovery.  Well, I hate to break it to you, but honeymoons don’t last forever!  As the initial rush of sobriety begins to wear off, addicts find that they still struggle with a lot of the same underlying issues that once contributed to their addiction in the first place.  Some of these issues may include, but are not limited to anxiety, depression, trauma and/or low self-esteem.  They encounter new challenges and stressors that test their determination and resilience.  When this happens, the pink cloud can suddenly vanish from underneath the addict, leaving them feeling disillusioned, discouraged and vulnerable to relapse. Like my good friend always used to say to me, “I sure as hell hope you have a pink parachute for when that (explicative) pink cloud you’re on pops; because it will eventually pop, Kyle.”

As I stated earlier, the pink cloud can also be a double-edged sword for addicts.  Sometimes their pink cloud experience in early recovery is so intense and all-consuming that it leads them to become overconfident, or even complacent in their recovery.  They believe that they have overcome their addiction once and for all, and that they will never again experience the cravings or temptations that once led them down the path of addiction in the first place.  DO NOT BE FOOLED. These beliefs are deceiving and can be extremely dangerous, as they can lead the addicted individual to let down their guard, ultimately leaving them vulnerable to relapse.   As addicts, we must remember that we are never fully recovered from our disease.  In the Narcotics Anonymous literature, it clearly states, “We suffered from a disease from which there is no known cure. It can, however, be arrested at some point and recovery is then possible.”

So, how can we avoid the pitfalls of the pink cloud phenomenon? Well, it’s all about balance, baby!  It is important for individuals in recovery to acknowledge the challenges and difficulties that lie ahead of them. It’s just as important that they celebrate the progress they have made.  Remember, recovery is a lifelong journey that will have ups AND downs along the way.  It’s important that the addict remain focused on the end game – sustained long-term sobriety from their addiction.

Setting realistic expectations for yourself is helpful when trying to avoid the pink cloud “trap.” Setbacks and relapses are unfortunately very common in recovery, and it is extremely important to use them as opportunities for growth and/or learning.  This can prove to be especially difficult at times (trust me).  Rather than beating themselves up and feeling like a failure, the addict should utilize these experiences to help them identify what triggers their cravings.  They are then able to develop coping strategies that they can use in the future to help them maintain their sobriety.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today. 

16. Complacency

One of the biggest threats to an addict’s sobriety is something called complacency. In recovery, complacency is a state of mind that can lead an addict to become overconfident, or even neglectful, of their sobriety.  Often, the addict stops utilizing a lot of tools they once relied on to help them stay clean and sober.  Essentially, the addict begins to let their guard down, and in recovery that can prove to be extremely dangerous.  This most often happens subconsciously for the addict.  Complacency is one of the greatest warning signs that an addict may be heading toward relapse. 

If I know anything to be one hundred percent true, it’s this… addiction LOVES an addict who begins to let their guard down. Over time as an addict continues to stay clean, there may come a point where they begin to feel as though they have overcome, or defeated, their addiction.  PLEASE DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THESE THOUGHTS. In the Narcotics Anonymous literature, it clearly states, “We suffer from a disease from which there is no known cure.  It can, however, be arrested at some point, and recovery is then possible.”  In other words, we are never cured but instead, we learn how to healthily coexist with our disease. While continuing to stay sober, addicts should constantly be developing new strategies and techniques to help them cope with their addiction. Eventually, the addict may begin to think some of those strategies and techniques are no longer needed in their recovery process.  It’s often a point in an addict’s recovery where they have reached a level of stability and no longer believe they need to use the same tools they once relied on so heavily. This way of thinking is EXTREMELY dangerous for an addict and can lead to a relapse.

There are many things addicts can do to help them avoid becoming complacent in their recovery.  In my opinion, an addict’s continuous attendance at any self-help group is one of the most widely used, and most effective tools that can be utilized to avoid complacency in their recovery journey.  Let me speak in terms of my own recovery for a moment.  At the self-help groups that I choose to attend, it is very common to hear others speak about their personal experiences with addiction.  I believe that routinely hearing other addicts talk about their experiences with addiction helps to keep it fresh in my own head. Often though, it’s the addict in long-term sobriety who most benefits from this “reminder” that although the drugs have changed over time, the results of abusing them are still the same - jails, institutions, and death.

Self-help groups are not for everyone and that’s totally fine!  I know many addicts who do not use these group’s meetings, yet they still stay sober and don’t become complacent in their recovery.  It’s important to remember, what works for you may not work for someone else.  Find what helps you most and continue to use it.  If for some reason your chosen method to avoid complacency seems to be becoming less effective (this can happen in recovery) then try something new that can hopefully take its place.

Having a strong support network has proven to be extremely effective in helping me and countless other addicts to avoid complacency.  As an addict, you should find individuals who will hold you accountable in your own recovery.  Use their wisdom, experience, guidance, and suggestions and apply it where you can to your own life.  Members of your support system can include both addicts and non-addicts alike.   

Community service is something I couldn’t be bothered with before and during my addiction.  I was stuck in a selfish and manipulative mindset where I only did things if I was receiving something in return.  Two years into my recovery I was asked if I wanted to help volunteer for a local mental health non-profit that supports recovery.  I was hesitant, but quickly reminded myself that I needed to step outside my comfort zone and try something new.  I’m so happy I volunteered because I encountered so many intriguing people that day, both addicts and non-addicts.  Simple conversations were had that helped “refresh” my memory of just how bad addiction (still) is.  I need these types of encounters in my recovery because I’m reminded that the drug epidemic is still in full swing and taking lives at an alarming rate.  Some of the people I met that first day volunteering have even become integral members of my support system.  Devoting time to help others struggling with addiction reminds me of where I came from and what would happen if I returned.  Among other things, community service has been so beneficial in helping me avoid complacency while on my recovery journey and I have no thoughts of stopping my volunteer work anytime soon!

It is very important that we always remain vigilant against our disease of addiction, or risk relapse. Complacency can be so harmful to an addict’s recovery because as they begin to let their guard down, they sometimes find that they inadvertently became less vigilant as a direct result.  We avoid complacency by attending self-help groups, giving back to the community, developing a strong support network (AND USING IT) and much more.  Simply put, complacency stagnates our growth as an addict in recovery, which ultimately raises the risk of relapse.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

15. Mental Health Disorders

Mental Health… the big “M-H.”  Unfortunately, it’s been a topic that our society tends to tip-toe around, not acknowledge, or even look down upon due to the negative stigma that is attached to it.  With that being said, I’d like to start by stating that I suffer from mental health disorders as well as substance use disorders (SUDs). In the substance abuse field, they often refer to this as a “dual diagnosis,” or a “co-occurring disorder.”  Today, I am able to admit this with absolutely no shame and no embarrassment.  It wasn’t always like that.  When I was younger, there was even more of a negative stigma surrounding mental health issues and that really deterred me from asking for help from anyone.  I believe there is still a negative stigma attached to the big “M-H” however, I do think that over the past couple of years we have made huge strides in the right direction.  There is still a lot of work to be done before the stigma is broken.

I entered rehab for the first time back in February of 2018.  I was twenty-seven-years-old, and I had not been officially diagnosed with any mental illnesses upon entry.  After a brutal, week-long detox from alcohol and Benzodiazepines (Benzos), I was finally transferred to the rehab’s psychiatrist for my mental health assessment before being able to officially begin the program (this is standard protocol in most rehabs that I’ve attended).  I was pretty beat up by my addiction at this point; nearly fifteen years of daily drug (ab)use will do this to you.  Who would’ve guessed, right?  I don’t want to bore you with all the details about my psychiatric assessment so let’s fast forward to my diagnoses. 

The rehab psychiatrist determined that I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), substance use disorders (SUD) and generalized anxiety.  The psychiatrist started me on a regimen of non-narcotic medications that have had to be adjusted many times since.  Unfortunately, there is no single pill that can be taken to help relieve the symptoms of each disorder that I suffer from.  Furthermore, not everyone’s body reacts the same to certain medications.  Trying to find the most effective regimen can seem like a hopeless crapshoot at times.  I was TOTALLY against taking ANY medication due to the negative stigma that revolves around them (I’ll save that for another day).  After all, I was trying to get off the medications that I had been prescribing to myself!  It took years before doctors finally found an effective regimen of medications that I still use to this very day.  I feel obligated to remind you that by me continuing to abuse drugs while doctors were prescribing me new medications, this process was dragged out much longer than it had to be.

In addition to the use of non-narcotic medications there are also many different strategies and techniques that I have learned to use in order to help me cope with my mental health disorders.  Through a trial-and-error process I have found what works best for ME and MY recovery.  Not all medications work the same for everyone and not all techniques and strategies work for everyone either.  It’s about finding what works best for you.  I have found that practicing gratitude, working out in the gym, running trails in the woods, spending time with my family, reading new books, and watching movies are just some of the activities that I use daily to help me effectively manage the symptoms of my mental health disorders.  I take suggestions from others, both addicts and non-addicts, and I see if they work for me.  If they do work for me, great!  If not, it’s no big deal; we go back to the drawing board and come up with a new strategy, or technique, that we hope will be helpful when dealing with our mental health disorders.  This can prove to be a long, frustrating process but I promise you it’s worth it.

If you think you may suffer from a mental health disorder, a substance use disorder or a combination of both like I do, just know that there are so many different routes currently available to help you cope.  You don’t have to battle either on your own.  Believe it or not, there are genuine people that are qualified and willing to help.  I strongly suggest that you keep an open mind when exploring your options.  If I wasn’t initially so closeminded to therapy, counseling and/or the use of certain non-narcotic medications I may not have had to experience as much pain and struggle as I did, both before and during my addiction.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.     

14. One Day at a Time

Whether you consider yourself to be in recovery from an addiction (you’re in recovery when you say you are), or not, odds are that you have heard the phrase “one day at a time“ used at some point in your life.  One Day at a Time (ODAAT) is a mindset, or skill (in my opinion), that is used to encourage people to focus on the present moment, rather than regret the past or worry about the future.  It’s a very effective coping mechanism that is used by many addicts, myself included.  I personally believe that ODAAT can be applied to and used in anyone’s life, whether they are affected by addiction, or not. For the purposes of this column, I’m going to focus on One Day at a Time being used by an individual with an addiction. 

ODAAT is a mindset that has proven to be especially helpful for those who struggle with an addiction.  Often when an addict first begins their recovery journey, the thought of staying sober for the rest of their life can seem like an enormous task, and in many ways it is.  The recovery process can be rigorous, tedious at times and it requires a lot of work on behalf of the addict.  This can be extremely overwhelming. I sure thought it was when I was first attempting to get clean! ODAAT can be used to help alleviate some of the pressure that comes along with thoughts of having to stay clean for the rest of our life.  The mindset requires that an addict try to focus more on the present day (hour, minute, second, etc.) with the hope that those feelings replace any feelings of worrying about the future or regretting the past.  The addict should try to recognize, acknowledge and focus on any progress they’ve made that day.  Consistent use of ODAAT should ultimately help the addict with being able to live in the present moment.  My grandmother once told me, “Worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere,” and it all makes perfect sense to me now. 

Planning for the future is a vital aspect to life and I believe it is necessary if you want to be successful, so, please don’t mistake this as me telling you not to plan (for the future) at all; that is certainly not what I mean.  When we let ourselves become completely overwhelmed with planning for the future it becomes unhealthy and may prove to be detrimental to our recovery.   The same can be said with regretting the past.  It’s all about balance, baby!  We must try to balance plans for the future and regrets from the past (as evenly as possible) with living in the present moment. If we are not able to find that healthy balance, our life may seem to be spinning out of control.  I don’t know about you, but whenever I feel like life is spinning out of my control, I become extremely anxious, and it often creates intense cravings to use alcohol and drugs. Historically speaking, intense cravings to use alcohol and drugs have left me most vulnerable to relapse.  If addicts can effectively find a healthy balance, they may be able to take back control of their lives and not find themselves constantly consumed by worry and stress.

Let’s face it though, life can be extremely stressful and that often causes feelings of anxiety.  The addict must learn to deal with this anxiety in a healthy manner, or risk relapse.  For most of my life I have struggled dealing with ANY amount of stress.  I thought using alcohol and drugs was the ONLY way I could possibly cope with (any) stress.  Being able to adapt and successfully use the ODAAT mindset took me time and a lot of practice, but it eventually became something like second nature to me.  It’s something that I now use day in and day out of my recovery.  As I stated earlier, the ODAAT mindset can be utilized by EVERYBODY, not just addicts alone.  So, like the old saying goes, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.  That is why we call it the present.”  Let’s try to live more in the moment and take life ODAAT.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.

13. Cunning, Baffling, & Powerful

My disease of addiction lives in between my ears and boy, it is powerful.  I often say my addiction is constantly doing push-ups, always trying to get stronger so that it can find a way, any way, to sabotage my recovery.  That’s just the ruthless nature of addiction.  In the Alcoholics Anonymous literature, addiction is described as being, “cunning, baffling and powerful.”  In last week’s column I shared an emotional letter my sister wrote to me during my addiction to help show just how powerful addiction can be. Let’s discuss how addiction is cunning and baffling this week.

Along with being powerful, the disease of addiction is also extremely cunning. It sits and it waits for the perfect moment to strike; like a lion in the high grass of the Serengeti waiting for its prey (corny, but you get the idea).  As soon as my disease senses that I’m in a vulnerable position, it “smells blood” and that’s when it begins to “speak to me.”  Now before you start calling me crazy for admitting out loud that my addiction speaks to me… hear me out because this is what I mean - it tries its best to confuse, or trick, my mind into believing things that are not true.  My disease will tell me that using drugs wasn’t ever really that big of a problem.  My disease tries to convince me that I will be able to use functionally this time around.  My disease tells me that my family won’t be hurt if I decide to pick up and use.  My disease insists that I can beat the legal system.  My disease tells me that people won’t even know that I’m using again.  My disease says that I will feel so much better if I just use. My disease shows no mercy and will go to any lengths possible to try and suck me back into the (addict) “lifestyle.”  It knows just what to say to me, and just the right time to say it.  Even after three years of sobriety my addiction still tries to outsmart and outwit me daily.  It’s like this for so many other addicts as well.  No matter how far we distance ourselves from our addiction, the disease remains, and it tries everything in its power to hold total control.  As time goes on and we continue to remain sober, our disease hopefully doesn’t hold the same power over us that it once did in the earlier years of our addiction.  Nonetheless, as addicts we must ALWAYS remain vigilant against our disease, or risk relapse.

Last, but not least, we have the baffling aspect of addiction.  Alcohol and drugs alter important areas of the brain that are necessary for healthy social interactions and life - sustaining functions.  That’s a scientific fact that has been proven through extensive medical research over the years.  So, when a recovering addict with years of sobriety lets their guard down and begins thinking they’ll maybe have just one (drink, pill, drug, etc.) like “normal people,” who don’t suffer from the disease of addiction, it can be extremely baffling – here’s why.  Any addict who truly suffers from the disease will NEVER be able to drink or use drugs like “normal people” do.  So, when a recovering addict has a relapse, it can be baffling for them, leaving them puzzled as to what even caused it.  Often though, the most baffled are those who don’t suffer from the disease and/or those who haven’t had someone close to them go through it.  It’s a totally foreign concept to these folks, through no fault of their own. They can’t comprehend how anyone could ever go back to using after hitting rock-bottom and losing everything to their name, aside from their pulse.  It leaves them totally baffled.

A wise man once stated that, “addiction is the only disease known to man that tells you, you don’t have a disease.” Addiction is a triple threat and is nothing to toy with.  It’s cunning. It’s baffling. It’s powerful.

And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope.  If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.